the spoon theory
ett sätt att förklara hur det är att vara sjuk, som från början är skrivet av en kvinna med lupus men som i mångt och mycket går att applicera på depression och ångestsyndrom också. klicka på texten för att komma till hela inlägget.
Ganska bra beskrivning av depression
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"The self-loathing and shame had ceased to be even slightly productive, but it was too late to go back at that point, so I just kept going. I followed myself around like a bully, narrating my thoughts and actions with a constant stream of abuse."
"It's weird for people who still have feelings to be around depressed people. They try to help you have feelings again so things can go back to normal, and it's frustrating for them when that doesn't happen. From their perspective, it seems like there has got to be some untapped source of happiness within you that you've simply lost track of, and if you could just see how beautiful things are... "
"lack of motivation"
"Lack of motivation" is a generally misunderstood symptom of depression. It does not mean that I sit around thinking, "Oh, I’m so depressed; why bother to do shit I don’t want to do anyway." It means not that I lack discipline, but that there is a mental disconnect between my conscious mind, which says I want or need to do X, and the part of my brain which actually initiates activity. It prevents me from doing things I would very much like to do, as well as things I need to do, rather than indicating simply a lack of interest in doing things which are not immediately rewarding.
If you want or need to go somewhere, whether somewhere you’re eagerly looking forward to going, or somewhere routine, or to the dentist for a root canal which you may be much averse to but have nevertheless decided will leave you better off in the long run, and you get in your car, turn the key in the ignition repeatedly, yet the engine sputters but does not engage, this is not an indication that you don’t really want to go anywhere. It’s an indication that something is wrong with the equipment you need to transport you there.
I am fully capable of sitting for hours, thinking periodically, “I need to pee,” then, “I really need to pee,” and eventually, “Damn, I need to pee,” before being able to jump start the part of my brain which engages with the task of getting up and walking the ten feet to the bathroom, and initiates the movement which allows me to do that.
The more complex the task, the harder it can be, because a more complex sequence of actions must be, in some sense, imagined and targeted before the actions necessary to bring them about can be initiated. Most people are unaware that this process even takes place, because in a healthy brain, it occurs swiftly and automatically. In my brain, it does not.”
If you want or need to go somewhere, whether somewhere you’re eagerly looking forward to going, or somewhere routine, or to the dentist for a root canal which you may be much averse to but have nevertheless decided will leave you better off in the long run, and you get in your car, turn the key in the ignition repeatedly, yet the engine sputters but does not engage, this is not an indication that you don’t really want to go anywhere. It’s an indication that something is wrong with the equipment you need to transport you there.
I am fully capable of sitting for hours, thinking periodically, “I need to pee,” then, “I really need to pee,” and eventually, “Damn, I need to pee,” before being able to jump start the part of my brain which engages with the task of getting up and walking the ten feet to the bathroom, and initiates the movement which allows me to do that.
The more complex the task, the harder it can be, because a more complex sequence of actions must be, in some sense, imagined and targeted before the actions necessary to bring them about can be initiated. Most people are unaware that this process even takes place, because in a healthy brain, it occurs swiftly and automatically. In my brain, it does not.”
Tänkte att det kunde vara bra för folk att veta.
böcker jag läste 2013
1. flugornas herre - william golding
2. en underjordisk dagbok - fjodor dostojevskij
3. sluta älta & grubbla; lättare med kognitiv beteendeterapi - olle wadström
4. post office - charles bukowski
5. peter pan - j.m barrie
6. harry potter & the philosopher stone - j.k rowling
7. gösta berlings saga - selma lagerlöf
8. harry potter & the chamber of secrets - j.k rowling
9. harry potter & the prizoner of azkaban - j.k. rowling
10. harry potter & the goblet of fire - j.k rowling
11. sherlock holmes the complete novels and stories volume 2 - sir arthur conan doyle
12. dolken från tunis - agatha christie
13. tao enlight puh - benjamin hoff
14. cujo - stephen king
15. 13 skelett i min garderob - antologi ihopsamlad av alfred hitchcock, olika författare
16. elegance of the hedgehog - muriel burberry
17. the fault in our stars - john green
18. dumb witness - agatha christie
19. black beauty - anne sewell
20. storm-stina - lena andersson
21. lejonkungen - walt disney
22. kort galopp, amanda! - (nån jävla skitbok om att lära sig rida)
23. nicke nyfiken - h.a & margaret ray
24. blomsterfesten i täppan - elsa beskow
25. gunghästen - juliet harmer
26. hur gick det sen? - tove jansson
27. klåfingerdagen - edith unnerstad
28. tora och dum-dum - thomas danielsson, monica gydal
29. godnatt, har jag sagt - gunilla hansson
30. emil i lönneberga - astrid lindgren
31. lurituri - gunnel linde
32. hurra, för pappa åberg! - gunilla bergström
33. emils hyss nr 325 - astrid lindgren
34. jullov är ett bra påhitt, sa madicken - astrid lindgren
35. spelar min lind, sjunger min näktergal - astrid lindgren
36. fänrik ståls sägner - johan ludvig runeberg
37. processen - franz kafka
38. mord i mesopotamien - agatha christie
39. babars resa - jean de brunhoff
40. icke-picke-pö - per petersson, mati lepp
41. godnattsagor om anders, nästan 4 - kerstin thorvall
42. godnattsagor - mary packard
43. harry potter & the half-blood prince - j.k rowling
44. harry potter & the deathly hallows - j.k rowling
45. boken om pelle svanslös - gösta knutsson
46. den blå lagunen - h. de vere stacpoole
47. tomtebobarnen - elsa beskow
48. titta madicken, det snöar! - astrid lindgren
49. flickan som inte ville gå till dagis - siw widerberg, cecilia torudd
50. en fest för livet - ernest hemingway
51. kajsa kavat hjälper mormor - astrid lindgren
52. barnen på bråkmakargatan - astrid lindgren
53. tobben & saras födelsedag - tony ross
54. tobben & det magiska äpplet - tony ross
55. harry potter & the order of the phoenix - j.k rowling
56. och solen har sin gång - ernest hemingway
57. timmen före gryningen - rachel lee
58. mio, min mio - astrid lindgren
59. the jungle book - rudyard kipling
60. pojkarna - jessica schiefauer
61. watership down - richard adams
62. den lilla prinsen - antoine saint-exupéry
63. jag vill inte dö, jag vill bara inte leva - ann heberlein
64. då tänker jag på sigrid - elin olofsson
65. the bell jar - sylvia plath
66. tretton skäl varför - jay asher
67. min morbror trollkarlen - c.s lewis
68. johnny panic och drömbibeln - sylvia plath
69. det sällsamma fallet benjamin button - f. scott fitzgerald
70. will grayson, will grayson - john green, david levithan
71. looking for alaska - john green
72. eleanor & park - rainbow rowell
73. häxan & lejonet - c.s lewis
74. nalle puh - a.a milne
75. harry potter & the philosopher stone - j.k rowling
det en kan konstatera är att jag har vett att uppskatta klassisk barnlitteratur & bilderböcker, att jag har suttit väldigt mycket barnvakt i sommar och därför fått läsa mycket skitdålig barnlitteratur, att jag har oerhört pretentiös boksmak om jag själv får välja, att jag älskar harry potter mer än livet självt, och att john green har förstört mitt liv. tack & godnatt.
2013
var ett riktigt skitår.
2014 kan bara bli bättre (eller sämre. vem vet!!)
2014 kan bara bli bättre (eller sämre. vem vet!!)
